why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
