Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
