John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
