I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize