So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
