Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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