I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Little spoons don't ask big questions
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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