If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
