All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
