Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
