a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
