oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
