My sheets look like a crime scene.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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