We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
