Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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