So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
