i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
