Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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