the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
