It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
