i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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