We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
