I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
