If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
