fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
