remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My penis needs a shock collar
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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