Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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