I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
