True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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