i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
