Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
