in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
