it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
