if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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