And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
