Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Damn victory sex feels great
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
