Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
