Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize