Screwed.edu
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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