His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
