Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
