that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
