new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
