Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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