fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
