new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
