I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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