we have officially lost it.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just want nice things and good sex
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
