I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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