Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
