I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
