My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize