my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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