It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
