he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
