I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
sex in a hospital.. check
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
