Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
