i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
