He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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