Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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