I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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