you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
