If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
