I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize