Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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