I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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