All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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